I read Carolyn’s GTA V review over on Gamespot today after seeing a bit (understatement) of buzz about it on Twitter. It’s two pages long, her overall score is 9/10 and for most of those two pages she waxes lyrical about how amazingly awesome the game is. Visuals, design, characters, quests, writing – every gameplay aspect has, it seems, been made most excellent and she speaks incredibly highly of almost everything. For maybe three paragraphs of those two pages she touches on some of the game’s issues – and come on, very few games as far-reaching as the GTA franchise are completely flawless. So briefly, taking only short pauses from her gushing adoration of Rockstar’s latest, Carolyn covers the niggles. The characters sometimes behave in inconsistent ways. The quest storylines sometimes have mixed messages or don’t seem to go the whole way in driving home their point. The male characters are a wonderfully complex mixed bag of nuts (haha nuts) while the female characters aren’t quite so well developed and the overall ‘tone’ and treatment of women in the game could have been handled far better. She writes this particular part in such a way that I’m left with the impression that Rockstar were TRYING to be satirical but didn’t manage to pull it off and the end result is just messy, uncomfortable and misogynistic.
ACK! Well, shit. Now I’ve done it. I’ve said “the M-word” (apparently it’s a profanity these days and not just the noun describing “a cultural attitude of hatred for females because they are female”. WHO KNEW. I didn’t, and I’m one of those female people). My careless willy-nilly throwing around of the terrible M-Word has opened a portal to a hellish dimension and hordes of savage but doltish imbeciles are surely about to spew forth and wreak their terrible vengeance upon my blog!
It’s saying ‘the M-word’ that provoked addled twats worldwide to drop a nuke of hatred and ignorant bullshit on Gamespot’s comment thread. As I write, it’s insane over there – the comment count is spouting new comments at a speed that surely rivals the camera flashes at the VGAs when Miley got her twerk on. It’s Dickhead Fallout; the heavens have opened and fat grey clouds are raining cretins with wanton abandon.
I have one question, but I already know the answer to it, as any sane and empathetically intact person would; WHAT THE FUCK DOES HER GENDER HAVE TO DO WITH IT. Why am I even asking?
I have never seen such a turgid collection of miserable cunts as are populating the comment thread of this review with their moronic vitriol. The answer, of course, is nothing. Did scores of angry women descend with pitchforks drawn upon the male-written reviews of the latest Tombraider? Did those of female ilk declare war on any men who dared take to their keyboards to compose their impressions of The Last Of Us? No. Because the gender of the reviewer doesn’t fucking matter. Carolyn has not only written a detailed review, I’d go so far as to say that if it’s at all unbalanced it’s unbalanced IN FAVOUR of the game. She praises it so damn heavily DESPITE its flaws that it’s just mind boggling that people are raging about it and calling it a bad review, an unfair review, asking for her to go back to writing articles – hell, asking for her to be FIRED. There was a petition (there’s always a petition) but it’s been deleted, yay.
Y’know what justifies every damn thing she says about the treatment of women and the unfortunate misogyny in the game, though? The people who are complaining about it. The people who are pulling these pearls of wisdom from their bile-clotted anuses, smearing fetid poop all over their monitors as they froth at the mouth and mash at their keyboards with the slow but persistent determination of loutish troglodytes;
I said I have just one question – actually, I have two;
WHAT THE FUCK?