Cracking my knuckles while wondering how to approach this. Do I just type a string of curse words flecked with spittle apostrophes and fist-shaking hyphens? That’s what I feel like doing. But no, let’s try to be be a bit more eloquently loquacious – I have a point to put across here after all, and I don’t want to limit it only to those who speak the language of Profanity as well as I do.
I’m a woman. I think you all know that. I’ve also been building PCs since my late teens. I haven’t bought a store computer for a good fifteen years now. My current PC has an MSI motherboard and graphics card in it and as much as I love my baby, I’m angry and ashamed right now that my baby has tainted MSI bits inside it. I don’t want to be associated with that company any more. I don’t want to know that they have some of my money, and I’m sure as hell not giving them any of my money ever again. I’m taking out those tainted MSI bits as soon as I can and replacing them with bits from a company that doesn’t confuse the computer industry with the porn industry.
What if that poor girl really can build computers? That must be pretty crappy for her, being asked to take her clothes off to build a computer on screen, as if her skill alone won’t cut it. What if, offscreen, she plays AAAs and Indies and frequents gaming forums and enjoys a good night in with snack food and a headset MMOing it up with her friends? What if her own computer is a labour of love, built by her own perfectly manicured hands in the comfort of her own room, presumably more fully clothed, and without remarking to herself ‘gosh, this PSU really is quite heavy, my svelte arms can barely lift it!’? I recently put a 2Lb CPU fan in my case. Coupled with my 850W PSU, four hard drives, and all the other bits and bobs in there, it’s quite heavy now. I’m 5’1, which means my tower is a third of my height. I’ve never worried about dropping a PSU.
There’s a part of me that really desperately wants to believe that the skimpy little racing bikini-shirt combo she’s wearing is an anti-static measure. Less clothes less static, right? But LOOK AT HER HAIR! Tie that shit back, woman! You don’t want rogue strands of your lustrous brown locks drifting innocently down onto your circuitry of your motherboard, getting caught in the CPU paste or tangled on the pins of your epic gaming RAM, do you? Silly girl!
Seriously, MSI – what were you thinking? WERE you thinking? Are your parts so naff these days that you can only sell them on the power of the cleavage used to advertise them? I’m a 34D and even though they get in the way when I’m doing almost anything, I can ACTUALLY build a PC and, hell, you should pay me to do it instead. I’ll sit in front of the camera with my 34D boobs safely tucked away behind the Cataclysm logo on my WoW T-shirt that I got from attending the midnight launch and build a gaming PC with my hair back in a bun and while we’re at it, you should let everyone see just how much of a pain in the ass it is getting your PCI-E graphics card into the slot WITHOUT using a sneaky little camera cut like you did in that video. Yeah, I saw that. Graphics cards never go in that easy.
You’ve offended me, MSI, as a woman who builds her own gaming PCs. Are you making fun of me? Are you saying I’m some kind of trophy that needs to be shown off on a pedestal, some rare and fragile mythological creature that must be exploited in order to support your business? You’ve offended mature male gamers, too, MSI, by implying that they’ll be more likely to buy your parts if there are naked women involved. Are you saying that men, when presented with boobs, completely lose the brainpower necessary to make educated purchase decisions? That your cunning camerawork with those conveniently boob-crossing slow-pans will make their eyes gloss over with promises of hot chicks if they have an MSI PC? Oh! Oh, I get it. Those men who can’t think in the face of boobs are the same men that made this video, aren’t they? IT’S YOU GUYS. Well, you have fun over there in your ball pit talking about girl cooties and how girls shouldn’t be allowed to PvP and how you really feel like a sammich. I’ll be over here with the grown-ups, in the year 2013, replacing my MSI computer parts by myself with bits from one of your rivals. (Just please don’t tell me there were any women involved with making that video aside from the model. I don’t feel like having an aneurysm today.)