Forbes, you’re a complete loser. We’re breaking up.

Oh, Forbes. Y U do it? Silly, silly Forbes. So Forbes… Oh man, Forbes. I just can’t believe you’d do something so stupid and act like it’s all okay and justifiable and we just misunderstood the context, Forbes. I feel like I don’t know you any more. You’re not the Forbes I grew up with. Y’know what, Forbes? I think we need a break. No – no, it’s worse than that. I’m done. I’m leaving.

Going to E3 2013? Here’s What To Wear

I don’t want to link it because I don’t want to give such an obnoxious article any traffic, but I kinda have to, for you to see for your own eyes that it’s really there. What you’re seeing now, though, isn’t the original version. That got edited after a string of ‘WTF FORBES’ comments. The article’s still getting those comments because it’s still obnoxious even in its revised state, and apparently Forbes just can’t see why it’s bad. “No no you guys, it’s okay! This is all a big misunderstanding! If you read it in THIS CONTEXT then it’s okay, right? See? Isn’t it okay now?”

No. No, it’s not okay.

Essentially, Forbes are targeting women who are attending E3 and giving them style advice. This is as a part of their new ‘Forbes Style File’ style spotlight thang. Where to start? Let’s go through the article from top to bottom, I guess.

If you’ve been to E3 before, you know the challenge.  How do you convey credibility in promoting your game, your studio and yourself at the convention in a room full of guys gawking at larger-than-life, theme-park-like attractions and scantily clad ‘booth babes’?

…in an industry trying to attract more female gamers, its worthwhile to spend some time thinking about how what you wear can help you stand out as the savvy gaming industry expert that you are.

I’m so full of RAWR that I can’t even get started on this paragraph properly. I’ve written and deleted and re-written it several times now because I just can’t OH WHAT THE FUCK. Are you telling me, Forbes, that I need to change how I dress in order to cater to men who are too busy staring at booth babes to give me any attention? That because I’m a woman I need to make sure I’m dressing right for this occasion? Do I take your lack of mentioning any style advice for men as meaning men can wear whatever they want, or already have it figured out, but I’m a woman so I can’t? It’s just – God, it’s incredibly insulting that you’re even giving me style advice for E3 in the first place, Forbes. I never read style magazines. When I’m at the hairdresser carefully insisting that they don’t put ANY ‘product’ on my hair and yes, really, it’s fine to just dry it and I’ll leave without any mousse or lacquer or any of that other crap on my hair thank you very much, I’m reading the men’s magazines because although still full of shiny sexist advertising they have considerably less of the condescending tripe than women’s magazines do. I rather read about cars and PCs and games than what heels to wear with whatever trouser-cut is in fashion this season – I don’t even wear heels, or skirts, or dresses, or anything with flowers on it or anything that’s pink or even remotely ‘girly’ so yeah, Forbes, your article is definitely NOT for me. I’m not one of ‘those’ people who gives so much of a shit how I look when I go to a public place because – and this will no doubt surprise you – IT IS NOT, AND SHOULD NOT BE, IMPORTANT.

I’m a writer. I have a skill with words. I’m also a community manager; I have a skill with people. I can also make websites with HTML and CSS. I do all of these things in cargo pants and trainers and the World of Warcraft T-Shirt I got from going to the midnight launch of Cataclysm or the Pariah T-Shirt I got from working at a game store. What I wear makes zero difference to my ability and my credibility. If people are considering my skills based on how I look, I’m not the one at fault there. So your article, Forbes, telling me what to wear so that I be considered more seriously at a gaming expo, is arse-about-tit. What you should really be doing, if you feel that E3 is ‘a room full of guys gawking at scantily clad booth babes’, is address those guys who are too busy judging women based on what they wear to consider them as colleagues in the first place. But here’s the thing – E3 isn’t really full of guys like that exclusively. Gaming conventions, generally, aren’t FULL of guys like that. There do exist, in plentiful numbers,  men who really don’t care what women are wearing – they just care about the industry, regardless of the gender or clothing of who’s presenting it to them. Let’s not sweepingly dismiss these good guys, okay?

…then add super comfy flats. This pair has the added advantage of an eye-catching scalloped edge.

I DON’T WANT PEOPLE LOOKING AT MY FUCKING SHOES WHEN I’M TALKING TO THEM. Who cares about this shit, really? Who cares about fucking scalloped edges on fucking shoes? How completely vacuous must one be to be concerned about the edging of one’s ‘super comfy flats’ when going to a gaming convention?!

Your convention lanyards will act as your statement necklace.

WHAT IN THE FLYING FUCK IS A STATEMENT NECKLACE? Clearly, in my scruffy Nikes and jewelry made out of computer bits (no, really) I just don’t have the fashion savvy necessary to make it big in the gaming industry. Sadness.

I’m done here. Goodbye, Forbes, you imbecile.

  • digital_pariah

    You have a Pariah tshirt? =)

    I don’t =(

    • Bahah ;p Yeah I do. I got a Savage T-Shirt too and sent it to my friend whose surname is Savage. 😀

  • digital_pariah

    Also, well said.

  • Zubayr Bhyat

    I suspect they were taking the piss 😛

    • See, I’d like to think that, but they really weren’t. There’s a note from the editor and everything on the article

  • jokay


  • The-Mad-Pirate

    Girl ! Such a wonderful statement ! I so wanna hug you !!!!