A newcomer to the hand-held technology industry, BroLife Interactive launches its debut Tablet PC aimed specifically at men – the ‘Manblet Supercharger’. Promising to deliver break-neck transfer speeds and boasting a storage capacity that’s ‘off the charts’, the Manblet Supercharger is designed for those manly men who grip life firmly by the balls and shake until coins and fast cars fall out.
Driven by testosterone, the Manblet Supercharger is a hefty 8 x 12 inches (that’s the size of an A4 piece of paper, because as all men know, Bigger is Better) with a Gorilla Glass screen (anything with the word ‘gorilla’ in it simply oozes testosterone), features a carbon fiber sports trim and even a stainless steel air grille for ventilation – with its overclocked Rolls Royce 8.6GHz deca-core processor, it’ll need all the ventilation it can get!
Larceny Brooks, Vice President of Marketing at BroLife Interactive, talked to the press about the product he calls ‘the male-empowering tablet of the century’.
“This is not just a tablet PC,” said Mr. Brooks. “It’s a phenomenon. It has to be seen to be believed. Just whipping this thing out of its patent crocodile hide carry case will have women begging at your feet to show them how it works and your co-workers clamoring to buy you beers for life. The Manblet Supercharger is a revolution in tablet engineering. BroLife Interactive have designed the Manblet Supercharger with today’s modern man in mind; your twenty-first century male doesn’t want a slim, flimsy piece of plastic that takes away his bragging rights by coming pre-loaded with everything he could want to put on it. No – with the Manblet Supercharger, you’ll have to pump iron just to carry it around with you. You have to hack a wi-fi connection to get it on the internet, and you can only install from our range of carefully chosen apps via the command line – which uses Assembly, of course, for bonus boasting. We run our own application suite where the higher functioning applications cost more to buy, so if you meet someone with a fully loaded Manblet Supercharger, you know they’re fully loaded in life too. Manblet users can choose from apps like Beer Chugging for Pros, Ferrari Fanatics, Extreme Shark Wrestling, and Foxx News.”
Mr. Brooks insists that the device is by no means sexist. “We truly believe that what every man really wants from a tablet PC, the Manblet Supercharger will provide. Your wife can’t use it – she won’t know how – so your girlfriends’ numbers are safe (and when the ladies find out you’ve got a Manblet, you’ll need the seventeen terabyte storage space to keep all the nudie pics they’ll send you). There really isn’t a better device out there for real men. Maybe you haven’t spoken to your son in years and you want to heal that wound? Get him a Manblet Supercharger. Need to impress your boss to secure a promotion at work? Enhance your Manblet’s standard sports trim with the adamantium sleek-finish aerodynamic spoiler and flash it at your next meeting.”
The Manblet Supercharger enters the playing field at $999; costing more than Microsoft’s Surface Pro this makes the Manblet the most expensive tablet on the market. There’s no launch date yet, but BroLife Interactive are confident that their product will be a success.
(Think this sounds crazy? Here’s the real-life alternative.)